If tears could build a stairway
And memories a lane
We would climb right up to heaven
And bring you home again
Mig éltél szerettünk
Mig élünk siratunk
Its 4 years today that I lost my mom, and my best friend. It's still as hard to believe today as it was when my brother called me in Budapest to break the news to me. It still hurts so much that even thinking about it I break into tears - so I try not to think about it often, instead I just try to go on each and every day without her. I know she is up in heaven watching down on all of us, and smiling to see just how beautiful her grandchildren have grown, and changed, as well as smiling down proudly on each of us - her kids, seeing how we have survived and picked up the pieces and continued on with our lives without her.
Though I will have to admit, our year of firsts - 2002-2003 was difficult, I'm finding that the years that have followed have been even more difficult to deal with, when looking at various holdiays, family events etc. During that first year we were all still numb from her loss, and still all finding our way. Now that we have in a sense found our way, its hitting us - at least it is me - all the things she will miss out on. Okay I know she won't miss out on them really since is watching us from heaven, but the things she can't physically be here to share with us anymore. I think the next few months and next year will be especially difficult, as we will be celebrating some milestones in our family... In July, my niece, her oldest grand daugher will be walking down the ailse to be married, then in August, it will be my brother's 40th birthday, and next year, would have been both my mom's 70th birthday as well as will be my oldest brother's 50th birthday. Not to mention the countless other birthday's anniversaries and holidays that fall in there as well.
She was and will always remain my best friend, someone who understood me, with all of my quirks, bad habits included, she knew all my deep dark secrets, my fears, my hopes and my dreams. She was the one person in this world who knew me inside and out. I miss her and there are still days where all I want to do is just pick up the phone and call her, to tell her the latest going ons, the latest problems or just to plain hear her voice.
She was a warm, vibrant and loving person, who gave so much of herself not only to her family, but her friends, as well as those around her who needed help. For this we are all thankful and becuase of this she will forever be in our hearts.
I love you Mom, and I miss you....