kedd, február 21, 2006

I don't get people

Why do some people feel the need to always make you feel miserable or to somehow belittle you. Its seems that if something happy or good happens to you, they get all twisted and bitchy and make you feel bad. Why can't they just for once sincerely be happy for you??? You know what I would even be happy if they were just sincere with me once, honest to god sincere in the way they act with me - that would be enough to make me happy.

No I won't go into details, but I guess today's happenings just sort was enough for me. Not sure yet what I'll do about it - if anything, I just know that I had to get it out of me somehow, and venting on this blog is definitely one way so that I don't go nuts.I mean my poor dear husband can only listen to me go on about this only so much bless his heart! This whole stupid thing has been going on for more years than I care to think about, I just don't know what it was that I ever did to make this person feel this way. I guess just being me does it to them. They keep saying that they want to have a better more honest relationship with me, but then they turn around and either forget they said that or just act as they have before.

Its so stupid, and to tell you the truth I'm not even sure that this person realizes that they are doing what they are or that it hurts me. And trust me hurt it does. I know its my fault for letting this continue, but I guess I'm just too much like my mom in that I hate confrontation. Plus that wouldn't really help at all anyways, it would probably just make things worse with them as well as other people. I just don't get why this person seems to be so darn jealous of me, becuase that is what all of this boils down to - some of you will automatically know who I'm babbling about now - if only they would get past that stupidity and see how much that I actually do care for them, and want nothing but the best, then things would be okay. That's why I don't want to confront them - because they wouldn't see it anyways. They would only want to see what they want to see and then once again I would be made out to be the bad guy, and I'm really beginning to get tired of playing that role.

Sometimes I feel like I'm totally paranoid and that I must be just imagaining these things, these behaviours, and I know some people I know will say that "no its not true you are imaginating it", or " you must be misuderstanding something" Um, yeah right misunderstanding something! LOL what a joke! Its as if the other people (who say those things) just don't want to see what is actually going on, or they have never seen it happen becuase it doesn't happen in front of them or to them!

I really wish my mom was here - I really could use a good shoulder to both cry on and to just talk things out. She knew these things were going on but she always knew the right things to say (to everyone involved) to make everything all better. I miss her so much, more than ever tonight...

Anyways, thanks for letting me vent, hugs to everyone who has read this far!

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